Parenting, and mostly motherhood is built on clichés, and deviations to those clichés may not be unacceptable but definitely frowned upon enough to make one feel guilty.
In an environment bound my norms, how is being a son's mom different from being that of a girl...
R says
Parenting a child for the first 3 or 4 years is probably gender independent. Yes, it did come as my surprise when my 2 year old automatically developed a liking for cars and trains without it being imposed on him.
Nonetheless, he would sport a pink or purple and wouldn't care less.
He had a Dora backpack which he would take everywhere, cause he loved watching Dora!
Mom( as in me ) was his playmate as well as someone who he would look out for, for all his big and small needs.
And as it goes, Parents are the child's first role-models, and when looking up to someone, gender plays a role.
S, I don't know what teenage years will look like, but at 8, the one thing he does come to me is with the 'uncomfortable' stuff. If there is a friend who has hurt him, or a friend he well, doesn't like anymore...
When there are 'Nightmare' nights, the next night one definitely needs mom to snuggle into..
And then of course there is food!
Still these days with more and more science in him(read 'knowledge of genes' here)h he has developed this belief that he will 'get it all' from his dad; his height, his 'fire playing' skills, his monkey bar skills etc etc.
He looks forward to spending time with his dad. To reach where his dad is, is like a benchmark for him, at this age.
And hence, as a result, 'Mom time' has to be squeezed in. Maybe the first few years, there was so much 'Mom time' that I was probably glad to give some of it up.
S says
So are you saying moms of sons have it easy once the 'wee years' have passed by?
As a mom of a 7 year old girl, it does seem like a Mom's job is never done. Sure, as she grows older and gets more independent, some of my mom duties have eased up. But her emotional needs keep growing. While dads are great for horseplay and general silliness, she will usually come to me for the 'serious stuff'. Like if someone was mean to her at school (no one warned me the mean girl stuff starts so early!) or wanting to know the answers to 'life's important questions' (which also no one warned me would start popping up so early!).
You can see how well-prepared I'm at this whole mom thing :)
Anyway I feel that girls' moms' also have to deal with whole lot more 'drama'. Her fights with her friends are more dramatic. Her self-play is more dramatic. Getting her to brush her teeth everyday is like a cinematic experience complete with tears, songs and comedic moments (mostly on my part, but there it is).
And not to make dads feel obsolete: A girl's father is undeniably crucial for her self-worth. I see how getting her little drawings and jokes noticed by her Dad simply makes my girl's day like nothing else will. If he shows her a video clip of something funny or interesting, its like the coolest thing ever for her.
I think also that Dads will treat daughters infinitely more gently than Moms will. We know what its like to be female and how tough we can be. (So go moms! All that yelling is actually good for them!)
R, even in this age of gender equality I didn't want to believe that there would be anything different in being a boys or girls mother. But as time goes on and I wade deeper and deeper into these murky parenting waters...I realize that all my parenting beliefs and principles fly out into the wind. Boys and girls are indeed different beings. But then aren't all kids different in their own way?
At the risk of sounding cheesy, all one can do be a loving mom and accept your kids for who they are. And hopefully that's enough.
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