R: Consistent presence and increase in clutter in our lives, lead to the need and acceptance of the idea of minimalism in our day to day lives.
Minimalism - decluttering , stripping to essentials. Remove anything that we do no need. In our house, in our lives.
Minimalistic living has always been very attractive to me, as clutter of any kind - material things , choices , experiences has always made me uneasy , and in an extreme situation suffocated.
S, what are your two cents on the 'M' word?
S: You know, Minimalist Parenting sounded like a dream when I first heard about it. Do less, get more.
Almost like an advertisement for a sale – and I’m a sucker for those!
Don’t Pintrest they said. Yes! Pintrest gives me anxiety anyway.
Don’t interfere in your kids lives. Now we're talking!
Let them fall. Let them get hurt. Let them figure it out.
All too good to be true.
So I tried it.
And well...it was too good to be true.
My kid got bored. Like really bored. I thought sure, that's part of the plan...she'll figure something out. I gave her time. It made her cranky. It made her whiny. It made her too interested in my work. She wanted to know why she couldn't work on the laptop instead of me. Too many arguments ensued about how life was unfair for her and all that.
I don't know. Is it like the flu that it has to get worse before it gets better? Or maybe I am doing it all wrong?
R: Let's not call it the flu...maybe just a habit which we are trying to break..the habit to be 'over stimulated'.
Haven't we become a generation of over stimulation? Not just kids, adults too. We pride in our ability to multi task. At work, I have found myself sometimes sifting through multiple assignments just because working on one for a longish stretch of time bores me. Is that an efficient way of functioning, maybe not.
Have we not over stimulated our kids by exposing them to lots of different toys, lots of different activities right from when they were months old...?
And now we suddenly decide to Parent Minimalistic, is it going to work? and that too without hiccups?
Before removing tangible things from my kid's life , maybe we need minimalism at a lower level first?
How about we first de-clutter their lives from the things we have imposed on them, before we take away from them what they can't give up...at least as of yet?
De-clutter Item #1 - Rules - Over time I have realized that what I can't implement and inculcate as a regular in my lifestyle but I still want my kid to follow, I do Rules.
An example of which is: 'Bedtime is 8 pm' - On which I am daily questioned. Why do you get to stay late after 8 pm Mom, when I can't? Arguments like 'that's the me time I get' or 'I need to watch shows my own tv shows' are never going to be usable on an eight year old. Even I am not convinced enough to use it on him.
Hence what do I do? I set it as a 'Rule'. And justify it saying that kids need to sleep more than adults. Again, pretty lame I would think.
S: No sometimes the simplest explanations work best, as long as they are logical or logical sounding at least. But sometimes they will work only for the short term.
So while my kid might accept that we are doing away with one screen time with the simple explanation that it is not good for your eyes; just when I'm patting myself on the back, she is now getting wily enough to squeeze it in some other time. It might be with some other adult or in some other screen in the name of 'education'. Kids know your weaknesses and your weak moments.
I know what you're going to say - consistency. Consistency is the key. Correct. But while our life is so unpredictable and fluid, how does one keep it consistent? For example working parents faced with situations (Ahem lockdown) might suddenly find themselves with screens as only reliable babysitters.
Which leads me to my next question, does minimalistic parenting work for all? Should we consider it the holy grail while other kids their age are getting their stimulation with 'stuff', ours might be the only ones left behind?
R: Well, that leads to my De-clutter Item #2 - Expectations
Are we not always going to deal with that - our expectations from ourselves, our expectations from our kids, our expectations of our selves for our kids?
What if we try - to build our expectations of ourselves of want we want for ourselves, not any other influencing factor.
Of course easier said than done, we are not leading a hermit's life here - but what if we at least try to prioritize ourselves before anything else and work around that plan. That would automatically take care of the expectations that we deal with for ourselves.
And then what if, we apply the same principle, on what we expect for our kids?
They are not getting the same 'over stimulation' as other kids...ok...however do we genuinely feel that that is what they need? And if the answer is no, let's do what we feel is the best for our kid/s.
Will they be able to compete is a world which is bringing up a 'know it all about everything' generation of kids? Well the way I think about that is, if he has that one thing which he is good at or he loves he does not need to know it all.
Do all of us need to raise CEOs and 'world changers' here, absolutely not. We need to raise kids - and as clichéd as it may sound - who love the rain, stand by their friends when they need them, can handle when life throws challenges at them etc. core values which will get them through life strong and happy.
Makes me think, minimalistic parenting just feels about taking a path which feels right for us...But then its not the holy grail.
S: I hear what you are saying. And yes, while I agree with all the core values we need to bring up kids with, I am not completely on board with decluttering completely. We don't all need to raise CEOs, but we need to raise them with enough awareness and 'education' (for the lack of a better term), should they choose to become one in future. By education, I mean exposure of sorts. Because kids are their own people. At the end of the day, they are the ones who will decide who they want to be. And if they grow up without that particular 'dot' in their lives, they are the ones poorer for it.
There should be a middle path, I think. One example is how we used to rotate toys for kids when they were babies. Instead of throwing things out completely off our lives, we 'rest' them for a while. Recycle it after a given period of time. If needed bring it back for a test run, before we decide we can completely do without it.
R, do you realize how privileged we sound though - as we talk carelessly of giving stuff and taking away stuff for our kids.
So which brings me to think that just implementing 'minimalistic parenting' on its own is not going to be anything other than a fad. We need to make our kids aware - of the world that is out there! Of people who have these things and more as well as the people who aren't as lucky and privileged.
R: Hmmmm, maybe we need a mix of 'differently raised' kids for a balanced future I guess.
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